Introspection

I hate being, or being forced to be, introspective. I especially dislike it when God continues to hit you over the head with something about yourself that you don't want to hear....

Negativity

-That's my, "I don't want to hear it" word.
-It's funny how you go through life with this picture of yourself only to have someone tell you that what you are seeing is not the right picture.
-It's funny how you spend your whole life swearing that you won't be one way only to hear that that is exactly who you are.
-Tears, lots of tears.
-Prayer, lots of prayer.
-Confusion...how did I get this way?
-Anger...that someone pointed it out.
-Frustration...that it is always you that is the problem.
-Alone...how do you talk to others and not voice the frustrations that you have? How do you unburden yourself? When is it okay to gripe...once a week...once a month? What do you do when the one you want to talk to is the one that pointed out the fault?
-God...he just keeps showing me how true the words were...eventhough they hurt...and keeps on showing me.
-Study...a book that continues to hit on the very problem I'm having and giving me God's words to show me how my problem affects others.
-Tired...I'm just tired and feel "heavy."
-Avoidance...I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT IT! I DON'T WANT TO EXPLORE IT! I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THE ANGER, FRUSTRATION, HURT AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF THAT GOES WITH CHANGING.
-Change...I really am like that. I have really been trying to see the blessings in my life...even if I have to dig it up from the bottom of the reserve sometimes.
-Change...I really am trying to speak positive words to all around me.
-Change...I really am blessed...I just had to open my eyes, work on overcoming some flaws from my raising and let the Lord show me his works right here in my home.
-a little one clinging to me 24-7 means that I am the center of his universe right now and he loves me unconditionally and feels safe and secure with me.
-a middle child who just wants attention amidst the chaos and my loving words and actions go a long way.
-the eldest child is growing into a wonderful young adult and we have an incredible friendship that I wouldn't trade for anything.
-a spouse who loves me regardless of my faults and gives loving correction when I need it...even if I don't want to hear it...and is my best friend.

Life gets so hectic that all I do is focus on the chaos instead of focusing on the eye of the storm...God. I just want to be all that he wants me to be but being someone different is scary, but I am thankful that for all of the faults that I have he still loves me enough to continue to help me change and become all I can be for His kingdom.

Catch Up!

Well, this is the face we get everytime we talk about going to school. Then we get the fall on the floor, feet kicking fit to follow! He does this when he gets up and thankfully it is easing up a little every time. This morning he had the fit but then once we got to school he walked right in...had to bribe him with playing The Incredibles on the playstation when he gets home but....whatever works....right!?!!?!?!

Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Prov. 30:8

I'm sure that I've read this verse before and the Lord wasn't ready for me to learn this lesson but boy it really smacked me in the forehead this time. We are doing a bible study on contentment and I want that so badly. To just be happy in whatever situation I am in knowing that my Savior is taking care of things even when I can't see that. I guess it's just a lack of faith. It really struck me as funny the other day when I was doing laundry, when I can't find something or need to get a shirt out of the dryer and its at the bottom of the load, I will go, "Ok Lord, please show me where this is." and inevitably I will find it immediately. How silly is it that I have complete faith that He will show me where some stupid shirt, my keys or something the kids have lost is but I doubt him in the big things?! He has always been so faithful and proven his love for me over and over and over and still I find myself holding back. I want contentment. I want to be happy with just what I have. I don't want to want. I need my every happiness to be based on the love of my God and nothing else. I want to LEARN (as Paul put it) to be content. He didn't say that he prayed for it and God gave it to him. He said that it was a lesson that God wanted us to learn. Teach me Father.

Blessings

We started a new bible study last Thursday and our assignment (our books aren't in yet) was to put a blessing on this little card, that was wrapped like a present, and bring it with us to our next class. Ever since then I have been hit over and over again with the blessings in my life, so, since everyone else is into the list making mood, I thought I would make a blessings list...so happy that I have enough to make a list!!!!

1. Jordyn, she is growing into such an amazing person.
2. Jordyn can talk to me about anything.
3. Cooper is such a cutie pie and even though he can be frustrating he is always ready with a hug.
4. Boogie...what more do I need to say...he is adorable, funny, frustrating, funny, and a total type A personality.
5. I have an incredible husband that puts in long hours at work to support us and then comes home to go to baseball games and coach peewee football, and watch Jo cheer.
6. The weather! I absolutely love Fall!!!! Jeans, sweaters, football...all the best things in life.
7. My brother-in-law coming to visit. His last visit produced his surrender to Jesus, baptism and total life overhaul and it is a blessing to actually see the change in person.
8. Watching Ronny and Tommy play guitars together and sing. I cannot Not smile.
9. Ronny's dad coming to visit too and listening to him laugh so hard that he thinks he will have a heart attack.
10. Journey, totally taking in our extended family so that all they can say is how incredible everyone here is.
11. Doug and Diana. I could elaborate but there isn't enough space! (Bust a move, Baby!)
12. JB and Amy. Still isn't enough space.
13. Mike, Kristy and Abby. Giving Ronny and I a chance to just simply be together and not constantly going, "Riley get down." "Riley stop that!" "Riley come here!"
14. Jesus for all of the things that he has done but most importantly right now, bringing us here and giving us friendships that neither of us has experienced before and ones that will last a lifetime.

DUH!!!!!

I was going to start this blog, in the midst of cooking dinner, and attach this really cute pic of Sadie chillin' it on the couch only I haven't loaded the stupid thing into the computer yet!! My one brain cell is being very taxed at this moment!!!!

Our small group was so awesome last night. We are going through the book "Dream Team" about marriage. We had the Strader's, the Berry's, the Sipes', the Duncan's and us. I just have a really good feeling that this group will really be honest and be there for one another. Last night we talked about the kind of intimacy it takes to pray together, in depth. Most of us (except the brown-nosing Berry's:)) don't pray together on a regular basis and we talked about how we have chosen to spend our entire earthly lives with our significant other but we are uncomfortable about praying with them. It is definitely a huge step in intimacy. As a society, we are so guarded and don't want to let "anyone" into the dark corners of ourselves and that ultimately spills over into our marriages. In prayer, you also have to be completely honest with Jesus and when you are, someone else is ultimately listening. You fear their reaction to what you say. Will they be angry with you? Will a fight get started? Will they truly listen to your prayer and accept the way that you feel? It is so sad that we can't just open that gate and not look back. I did ask all the couples to promise that, even if only once this next week, they would pray with one another. It only takes 2 weeks to make something a habit...what a great habit to have. I am just sssooo excited about the feel in our group, and about the fact that we have 2 of the newer couples with us (maybe I should be afraid with Ronny here). God is going to do wonderful things in our marriages....I can feel it!!!!!!

Disappointment

Jordyn took the written test today to get her driver's permit.....she failed:(
I could tell that she wanted to cry but because she had to go back to school she wasn't going to let herself. I felt so bad...thank goodness that several of her friends had to take the test more than once to pass. Keep her in your prayers this week because we will probably go back next Tuesday and try again.

Crazy dayz!!!! Today I got up early to take Jo for the test (8am), by the time we were done Ronny called me and asked me to bring my vehicle by (trying to sell it because they dropped the price on the 2007s and if we don't sell it we will NEVER get out of it what we paid)(9am), got home at around 9:45am, played with Riley and tried to get a few things done around here, fixed lunch at 11:00, laid Riley down at 11:30, got him up at 1:00, went to school to pick up Cooper for the orthodontist at 1:30, drove to Bastrop for a 2:50 appointment, didn't leave there until 4:30, ran into a torrential (sp?) downpour outside of Monticello and drove about 25mph, got home at 5:45, Cooper had football practice and they finally came in at 7:30pm. Could we squeeze in anymore!? I met myself coming and going several time today!

Accomplishment !!!!!!

I actually got something accomplished!!!! Thank you for the prayers. I am still trying to get in a routine and just getting one single page done after months and months is a milestone.

Went to Kristy's this morning and actually got the majority of this page done at her house. Angela came too and she couldn't decide what size page to do so ended up not getting one completely done. There are so many choices and so little time! I just had to scrap a page about the hair! I NEVER am in any pictures so I decided to get one of just me. I didn't even think to include the fact the not only do I have the funky do but I also have braces. Can anyone say repressed childhood!?!?!?! I have been called Cruela and gotten several "What on earth were you thinking?" looks but to tell the truth I really kinds like it...it's growing on me....if you really think about it...it really is GROWING on me!!!! HA HA HA

The entire time we are trying to get something done all we can hear in the background are Riley and Abby running up and down the hallway. They came in at one point and were talking about playing and I told them they needed to stay at this end of the house because Lilly was napping and Kristy told them to go play in Abby's room and Riley said,"Abby, do you want me to throw my Spiderman at you?" They had apparently been throwing toys (by the shape of her room) at each other for fun! I wasn't sure that sounded like a lot of fun but I'm not 3!

Rain

I love the rain. It's not about the cleansing part of the rain. It's the put on your jammies, curl-up on the couch, football season feel. I wish it would get dark, thunder, lightening and storm like crazy. I don't think its going to happen but I can hope!

Why is life so topsy-turvy? You can go one day and feel crazy and the next you are just calm and happy. I wish God would have sent us manuals with each of us or even just a cheat sheet of some sort. We have friends call us for opinions and support but we can't even begin to help ourselves. I guess that's why God gave us girlfriends.

I am going to try and start a daily routine for myself tomorrow. Start my day off with the Lord and make a plan for the rest of the day. I always have such great plans and yet everyday I find a reason to plant myself on the couch or something and then complain about not having time to get anything accomplished. Why is it so hard to get yourself motivated? Wish me luck!!!!

I'M TIRED!!!!

Tired of....
-being an adult
-being an adult and still feeling like a teenager in my head
-being afraid to say what I feel
-being afraid of confrontation
-being hurt by other's actions that really have nothing to do with me at all
-being anxious
-feeling overwhelmed by life sometimes
-being a procrastinator and not even realizing it
-worrying about things that I have no control over, knowing the Lord always takes care of things
-not trusting my Savior enough
-responsibility
-feeling crazy
-feeling insecure
-being tired

Pray for me.

Boredom Kills!!!

Blogs anyway! I was wanting to change my template and I go in to look at the changes and all of my links are gone!!!! It only took me forever to figure out where in all of the garble-de-gook I had to put them in the first time! I hate computers!!!!!

Had to show everyone just how be-a-u-tiful my baby is! When you get started doing this you just have to add more..don't ya!?!?!

Next time I will try to include a pic of my new funky do! (Not so new anymore to some of you but my mother didn't seem too impressed when I emailed a picture to her!)

WORLD SERIES IS OVER!!!!

Say hello to the two 16 year olds we had in our home for 11 days. Zeke is on the left, Coop in the middle and "Pitts" (Clint) is on the right. They played on the Texas team during the 16 year old World Series. We endured 2 extra boys, 100 degree weather, sweating, long ballgames, disappointments the first 2 games, late nights, lots of eating out, exhaustion, some more sweating (wring out you underware, sweating), laundry, sweating....you get the drift. Our team ended up in the championship game (the underdogs) and only lost by 2 runs. We were so proud of them! Zeke is a great kid who has 5 brothers, 1 sister and his mom homeschools them all...I just kept telling her "God Bless You!" Pitts was Riley in a 16 year old body. The funny thing about it was that I really connected more with Pitts and he drove me crazy! Just obnoxious! The sad thing was that at the end of the 11 days I was so ready for them to go home and then once it was time for them to go I got all misty! I have issues!!!! I will say that this experience has given me a greater appreciation for my family. They drive me crazy but I have great kids, who know how to behave...for the most part...out in public. Having a 16 year old who you have to get on constantly puts things in perspective!!!!

The kids are back in school and routine has taken over. Thank you Lord Jesus for routine. We get up at a normal time, take a nap, pick up kids, and then the miscellaneous starts (cheerleading, Junior league football, church, etc, etc) but it is routine none the less! I guess I never realized just how much I thrive on that. I feel semi-human again...although the morning thing is killing me. I am not a nap person but I'll tell you what..about 1:oo I am snoozing on the couch while Riley is out! Guess I'm getting old.

Is anyone else freaking out because their child is getting so grown-up?!?!? Jordyn is so beautiful! She started high school and in only 4 years she will leave for college:( Where has the time gone? I guess I blinked and life sped past me. She will be turning 15, getting her driver's permit (I have now given you all fair warning), she's a cheerleader...she's almost an adult. She is such a great kid and we have grown to have such a good relationship. We had some rocky times when she was younger but now she talks to me about everything. I can't believe that she is mine and that by the grace of God I actually raised her right (you too honey, just can't believe I turned out to be a half-way decent mom)! She's smart, kind, God-centered, beautiful...I could go on and on! She wants to be a NICU nurse, have 2 children of her own and then adopt from China. She wants to go on medical missions! Where did this child come from?

Sorry, I am rambling...so much time has gone by since I last blogged that no one will probably read this...lots has happened and so little finger stamina to get it all in!

REFRESHING

Refreshing. This is my newest adventure with God. The kids and I went back to Kansas/Missouri to visit family (after several other vacations during the month of July!) and the Lord used that time to refresh me. Before I left I felt so heavy and anxious. Ronny and I were on edge, I was on edge with the kids and I just felt plain heavy...like I was just simply treading water with my nose sticking out. The funny thing about it is I can't really tell you when the miracle occurred, but once I got home I felt refreshed. God wiped my emotional and spiritual slate clean and I feel wonderful! He is so gracious and knows what we need even when we don't. We are living in the dark world and He is the light and yet I so often forget that and all of the blessings he has rained on me. I have an amazing husband, beautiful, God-fearing children, a home, friends that I wouldn't trade for all the world and a God who loves me no matter what. We are so unworthy and yet when we fall and scrape our knees...there he is. When the world has pulled us in so many directions that we think we will be torn apart...there he is. Thank you, Lord Jesus, thank you.

The other thing that has really been hitting me lately, partly from the refreshing, is that I need to take captive ALL of my thoughts to Christ. Satan is so sneaky about whispering in our ears, we don't notice and the next thing you know the ugliness has crept in and you can't get rid of it. I have had to say to Satan, everyday, to get away and pray that Jesus will take my thought life for him. It has made such a difference. I refuse to get bogged down again and feel ugly toward those that I love. Again, thank you Lord!

Please keep me in your prayers. We are hosting two 16 year old baseball players for the World Series here in town for 10 days! We are praying that they aren't all that cute because of our almost 15 year old daughter! Not only that, but for those 10 days we are their family in every way...food, laundry, transportation, etc, etc! Nothing like a family of 7 on a trial basis! As much as my husband likes to believe, most of the responsibility falls to me and I am a little afraid. It will be weird at first having strangers in the house but I know that we will have a blast once we are confortable with each other. Coop is also going to be the batboy for their teams. Hello ballfields again!

I apologize for being so sporadic with my entries, but part of June and, it seemed like all of, July was spent in the car either roadtripping to canoe, roadtripping to the Diamond Mines or 10 hours roadtripping back home! I promise that I will TRY to be more reliable with blogging, but I'm not making any promises!!!!!

I HAVE RETURNED!!!

Okay...I received a threatening email from Jeff about my laziness in blogging and to tell you the truth...I am lazy!!!! Riley has started to play games on the computer and getting to use it is crzy...what an excuse...blaming my children for my unorganization!!!! God forgive me my weakness!!!!!
Life really is crazy and I need to get my rear in gear and get my days organized so that I can get ANYTHING accomplished. I just read Kristy's blog and she is getting stuff done with children and others seem to do it but for some reason it seems to allude (is that right?) me. I tell myself that I will blog, or scrap, or make a card, read my Bible and then I end up in front of the TV or something else stupid and never get anything I want to done and then blame it on everything else...anyone else with me!?!?!?!?! What a sorry sap!
I promise to all of you that I will try with all that I am to keep up with my blogging so that you will all be up to date on the exciting happenings in my life...HA HA! Say a prayer for me....say lots of prayer for me....just start praying and don't stop....keep going.....................

Make a Change

As a nation, we are so disconnected from the world around us. America is self-consumed and we don't want to hear of the world's attrocities except for the morbid fascination factor. Its not here, so its not about us. We can't change things a world away. The truly sad thing is that there are attrocities in our own nation that people chose to ignore. If we ignore it, it won't change our comfortable existence. We can stick our heads in the sand. Lord Jesus, fill our minds with the effects of Satan's evil. Make it so that we can't turn a blind eye. Make it so that our hearts ache every moment of the day with the sorrows of this world. Make us long to change the heartaches of the abused, murdered, tortured, oppressed and brokenhearted. I want the Lord to continue this great work he has started in me. Let him change me from selfish to selfless. I want to make a change in the world. I want to be worker. I want to know that the small things that I can do can change the life of another, whether in my own back yard or half-way around the world. I want to instill this in my children. I want my church to be pioneering in the amount we do for others. Change me Jesus, change me.

Perspective

God's omniscence is so amazing. Just when we think that we are alone in the universe and that no one is listening, he speaks through life. I am a money worrier. I worry in plenty and plenty. My husband and I have been discussing (along with 3/4s of our nation) about how to get rid of some our "bad" debt. It never seems to have an end, does it? But in the whole scheme of life we are so blessed...debt or not. There is never a day that my children will go hungry. There is never a day that we have to wear the same clothing several days in a row. There is never a holiday or birthday that we are unable to give our children gifts. There is never a time when we worry that our power will be shut off and yet I worry. God has known this about me for many years and continues to try to change my heart and mind but I so fight against him....this is who I am....how do I change something that I have learned from very young (my mom always told me about our money struggles)....how can I have the absolute faith that God can change me when deep down inside I don't think I really want to change? This time God gave me a group that will do nothing less than humble me and bring me to my knees begging forgiveness for my selfishness. I was invited to join the Jr. Auxillary and they do nothing but help the needy children of our county. I heard stories of mothers passing up more expensive shoes just to be able to buy an extra package of underware for the child, helping a bereived family to be able to bury the child that they lost, enabling parents to give their children Christmas when there was going to be none and I worry. I have decided that God's word for me in this season of my life is....Perspective. He has to change my perspective. How I see myself and my life. He laid the ground work for this even before I knew deep in my heart that I needed it. I received the invitation to the tea before my husband and I had the money discussion and that discussion left me with my husband wondering if it would ever be "enough" for me (my non-worrying comfort zone...enough in the bank). Finding out that he felt that way left me very hurt but at the same time it hurt because I realized how very true it was. God used his words to wake me up and then had already laid the path for me to truly see how very lucky and blessed that I am. He is amazing in how he manages the sticky, intricate cobwebs of our lives. It only takes one weak spot to bring the entire structure down at our feet. God is the extra strength we need to hold it together when the weak spot gives way. He strengths the rest of the strands so that we can mend the broken one. Thank you Jesus for loving me in my sinfulness. Thank you Jesus for blessing me even when I take you and your blessings for granted. Thank you Jesus for changing me in my very core to be more like you everyday.

Are you related?

How many times in the last few months have we heard this? Jo and I were watching Cooper's ballgame last week and the lady next to me looks down at Jo and asks me if we're related. I said "Yes, she's my daughter." and the lady said "I thought she must be your younger sister!" Talk about an ego boost. We have been getting alot of that lately....I can't say as that I mind all that much. I have decided that I am getting better with age. I finally feel very happy with the way that I look after 35 years. I wish I had felt this way in highschool. I would have had a lot better time. Age does such strange things to us. I weigh a lot more now, I have stretch marks, sagging boobs and grey hairs but I love me now...Thank you Jesus for letting me see myself the way that you see me....most of the time.

Things have been exhausting around here. Baseball, cheerleading, playgroup, church, more baseball, more cheerleading, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, driving into town 15 times a day....anyone tired yet?!?! I always have to laugh when my mother calls me and asks me if we did anything new and exciting this week. Does anyone have time for new and exciting. I'm lucky if I get done with the old and exhausting! I know that someday (its creeping up on me) I will miss all of the running around and having things to do but right now I don't know my booty from my forehead and most of the time I can't remember my own name!!!!! Give me an amen ladies!!!! I wouldn't trade a moment of my kids lives....just hope that by 40 I can still remember it all because it was such a blurrrrrr.

Cowboy Boogie

We headed to the store yesterday, Wednesday, to look for some clothes for Ronny and couldn't find anything but Riley made out like a Cowboy!!!! He put these boots on and it was over. The problem was that the jeans he had on were way too short so then we had to get an authentic pair of Wranglers. He looked so adorable!!!!!! Get up this morning and the first thing he says is "I need to put on my boots." Never mind that he is in his underwear and is only half awake....its all about the boots! Dad also decided to get him a cap gun so he is officially a cowboy. It is hilarious with the gun because after he pulls the trigger he stands there and blows the smoke out of the barrel. Someday he will be really angry with me over this picture.....oh well!!!!!

I come to you with a tear in my eye....the babies have left the nest! The first pic is a few days ago and they still didn't have all of their feathers and they were trying to make themselves as tiny a possible...today I pull into the garage and as I get out of the expedition I see a bird land on the back of it. I start to walk over and it begins to hop around on the ground...much to the delight of my Jack Russell and Rat Terrier. I proceed to scream at them as the baby is screaming "MOMMY" and as mommy is screaming "GET AWAY FROM THE BABIES!" Nothing like chaos in every arena of life. Anyway, I ran to grab my digital and snapped the pic of one of the babies in the garage. I could hear the others hopping here and there and actually saw one fly and hang on the wall in the garage (cedar wall). I can't believe how quickly they have grown....Does anyone besides me wish that kids grew up that quickly!!!!

The crisis of all crisis' has happened..dum..dum..dum....I had to confiscate the Pink Razor from Jo. The beginning of last week I explained to the kids that I would no longer give warnings about checking their rooms and would do suprise inspections......
"Do you understand exactly what I am saying?"
"Yes, maam."
"No warnings, you have to have your beds made and everything picked up
off of the floor...not shoved under the bed, in the closet, or under the
desk?"
"Yes, maam."
I go upstairs last night, Jo was not home, and her room looks just like it always does. Bed torn apart, clothes scattered everywhere, trash everywhere. So when I went to pick her up I asked her if she remembered the conversation that we had about the bedrooms....
"Yes, maam. I know I didn't make my bed." (Does she sleep in the same
room that I went into?)
"What about all the clothes?"
"I was trying different stuff on before church and I didn't get it put away."
When does trying on clothes involve closing your eyes and just throwing the clothes in the air and them landing everywhere? Can we not lay them neatly on the bed...only takes 3 minutes to make...and then put them away when we get home, if necessary? Can the trash go in the TRASH can? Please explain this to me someone. What do kids consider clean? I would be so embarrassed to have someone over and have them see my room like that. Wish there were more time to have a discussion about what germs kids are growing in their bathrooms today but my single brain cell can only handle so much.

Anyone care to join me.....Calgon, TAKE ME AWAY!

New Members of the Family

You would think that with all of the hundreds of pine trees in Arkansas that this bird would have been a little happier in one of them....guess the menagerie was a little more appealing! There are 4 babies and in just the few days since I took this picture, they are getting feathers and when you get close to the nest they poke their little heads out and start hollering about dinner. They are so cute. Life is so amazing. God sure had to put a lot of thought into the amazingness of creating life and nature. Thank you Lord that my family gets to be continually amazed with you and all you have done in the world.

Life is still as caotic as ever. Between piano, baseball, cheerleading, playgroup, church, tanning (hey, you cannot put on a pair of shorts with the possibility of blinding all of those around you!), etc, etc, etc. I just never I feel like I have ANY sanity. You finally get home from everything and realize that the insanity has spilled over into your house and it looks like the mess monster has thrown up everywhere. I'm really good about making piles....the piles are now mountains and I can no longer find my counter in the kitchen. Kristy and I scrapbooked last weekend and I still have not put anything away and it too is laying in a pile! Calgon take me away..........

My children are feeling the pain of their age difference. Jo is too old to want to do anything that Coop wants to do and Coop is constantly annoyed with anything Boogie wants to do. The boys cannot be in the car for more than 3 seconds and it is on. Riley hit Cooper, Cooper is being snotty to Riley, Riley is crying, Cooper is coping and attitude and refused to talk to Riley, Jo gets in the car and, depending on the day, she either hates everyone or is just indifferent. I always imagined having a boy and a girl but now that I have 3 I'm not sure what I was thinking about having ANY!!!!! Tell me that the rest of you will look at your kids and wonder when it all happened. I look at my babies and think about the fact that someday THEY will be parents and have their own lives and families...now I'm tearing up...and it is crazy. I still feel 17 and when I'm doing laundry, dishes, cleaning house I look around and think that this can't be my life....I'm not old enough. It's amazing how your life changes and you seem to somehow role with the punches (I had to think about how to spell the stupid word..ok so I'm really 90) and suddenly you're a wife and mother but you don't seem to remember it all happening. I can just picture my mom thinking that she can't imagine me being a mother because I can't pick up after myself, clean my room or any of those other grown up things and here I am thinking the very same thing about my children.....Calgon take me away!!!!! ( I know I said that earlier but I'm still here so I thought one more time wouldn't hurt!)

JESUS, I JUST WANT A....

This beautiful little man is so full of wisdom and he doesn't even know it. Ronny, Riley & I were walking into Wal-Mart and as we are walking in Riley looks up at the sky and in a VERY loud voice says, "Jesus, I just want a 4 wheewer" with his hands up in the air. Ronny and I just look at one another and thought that that was what he said but asked him what he said anyway. So he repeated, at the top of his lungs, "Jesus, I just want a 4 wheewer!" We just died laughing, but as we thought about it later, the verse in which Jesus told us to have the faith of a child came to mind. If Mom and Dad wouldn't give him what he wanted he was going to go to the man that just might do it. He didn't question the fact that it may be a selfish want or rationalize that Jesus didn't want to hear about a 4 wheeler, he just asked the one that loved him and wanted him to have what he wanted. If only we were like that. There are so many times that we don't ask because we rationalize that Jesus could not possibly have time to answer our worthless needs and there are people in greater need than we. Jesus doesn't pick and choose who he answers. He knows our every need and deepest desire. He may not give us all that we ask for, whether it be a want or the need for relief from something, but he does each thing that he knows is best for us, but we should ask EVERYTHING of the one that has our best interest at heart. He knows all that we want but he still wants to have that conversation with us and to hear us ask him ourselves. He loves to hear our goofy stuff...just like we laugh at our kids. He wants to be included in every aspect of our lives, even the ones that we think he doesn't want to hear about. Ask the one who loved you before time began for everything. Have the faith of a child. Even if he giggles at us, it is worth the conversation and the love of the one who loved us from the beginning.

"Weigh No More" support group has officially started. We met Monday night and had a blast. There were about 8 - 10 of us and we giggled the entire time. To start off the meeting we had to face the dreaded scale....next time I'm asking if we can try it this way....it beats getting nekid so that we weigh less!!!!! I was doing so good working out (getting up at 5:30 when necessary) and then I missed one or two days and got so stink'n wore out that working out went to the land of "I will do it tomorrow". It is now 3 weeks later and I wonder why I'm gaining weight back. I have done 2 days so far and was supposed to do it today and I forgot and by the time I got all done up I didn't want to get sweaty so "I will get caught up tomorrow". Pray for me!

Life is still as caotic as usual. Jordyn made cheerleader and we have now officially started all of the meetings, measurings, giving up the monies that goes along with that, Cooper has started baseball practices...ALL THE TIME, church, orthodontists appointment an hour away, playgroup, etc, etc, etc. I can't remember the last time that I actually did something for myself.(I think I said that very thing in another entry sometime...I know stop feeling sorry for myself and MAKE TIME...yeah right!) When I do have a spare moment I just want to sit on the couch and watch TV or something. That's pretty pathetic ain't it! Have a moment and just waste it mindlessly in front of the boobtoob. What better way to unwind!

I left my brain at the door!

It is definitely Monday....I was getting Riley in the car this morning to go into church to clean and stuff and I spent 10 minutes trying to find my keys. Doesn't sound like a big deal unless you realize that in order to lock the door as you leave the house, you have to have keys! I apparently made it out of the house, lock the door and then they simply vanished! I tried to call my husband to have him tell me that I had not lost all touch with reality only to get his voice mail! Finally I found them (after 10 minutes of feeling like a complete dunce...it that how you spell that.....I'll get the hat and sit in the corner!). Great way to start of the week.
To top this off, I am feeling a little grumpy and realize that I am apparently PMSing. ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!

The kids are back in school from spring break and so Riley and I have to get back into our routine. This morning he went to play with Jonah and Noah. It's so funny, if you ask him if he wants to go, when he gets up, he gets upset and says No but then later, after breakfast, he tells me that he's not crying anymore and he wants to go play! He is soooo funny sometimes....all the time. I can't say enough what a lifesave Suzanne is for taking him on Monday mornings! Things just get done so much faster without an extra appendage!

Speaking of funny...we were outside over the weekend (my husband and Cooper had the bright idea to have 4 of Coop's friends over for a camp out, tent and all, in the woods behind our house...that's a story for later!) and I had gotten Riley an Icee from the convenience store. He's walking around in the garage, take a big drink, looks off to the side a little and says, "MMMM, that is dericious!" We about fell down laughing. Where do they come up with this stuff. He will definitely be the class clown when he gets in school....Great. See you in the principal's office!

Fish, Cheerleading.....anything else!!!!

Where to begin, where to begin......this is the first chance I've had to get anywhere near the computer in 2 weeks! We have been running ragged! Let's see.....Jo had cheerleading tryouts this past Friday and lo and behold, I know have a bonafide cheerleader in my house. She told me that it will probably cost us about $800.00 for everything....OH GREAT! Anyway, she was the last name read off and she proceeded to fall on the floor in the fetal position and bawled! Then for the next 2 hours she ran around the house, with a phone in her hand, screaming! I'm not sure that anyone on the other end got anything intelligible out of it but you know how teenage girls are..they have their own language! She's off on a mission trip this week during Spring Break in Mississippi, trying to help out down there.

The Fish. We have a new family member....as if we needed something else in our house. His name is Nemo...pretty elaborate, huh!? The fish story is really very exciting. We get Nemo in a Wal-Mart fish bag as a gift. The goldfish is huge and the water in the bag is a little nasty. They brought us a little round fish bowl that is made for bettas and when I put him in I notice that this is definitely not enough space for the monster fish. I didn't have time right then to go get a tank but we did get one later in the day. Supposedly you need to add the chemicals to neutralize the chlorine, blah, blah, blah, so we filled up the tank and put in all the froo-froo and let it set for about an hour. I'm out in the garage doing something and Ronny comes out and says that he doesn't think that Nemo is doing very well. I come in and Nemo is doing the side stroke...without the stroke! We tried to get Riley to let us put him out in the garage under the premis that Nemo needed a nap but that only started the "Nemo will be scared without me" bawling fit. Then we tried to get him to let me put him in the den and that didn't work either....but....as I set the bowl down on the desk, I notice that Nemo jerks. So I set it down a couple more time to ensure that my eyes aren't playing tricks on me, and he does it every time. I know that he is on his way to visit the heavenly ocean in the sky so I figure what can it hurt if we go ahead and put him in the tank with all the chemicals? He's on his way out anyway, right? Well, we were sorely mistaken because Nemo made a complete recovery in a matter of about 15 minutes!!! Is that not absolutely crazy. Guess he just overdose on grimy water. Anyway, he is doing well in his new home and Riley has decided that Nemo is no longer scared without him so he (Riley) needs to sleep in our bed all of the time! Aren't we blessed!

Keep me in your prayers because Cooper is out of school this week and the boys can't seem to be in the same room for longer than 30 seconds before they are yelling or hitting each other!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!

Still Here!

I am still here....barely! My weeks have become just more days like the one I wrote about earlier. There just seems to be no time in any of my days for me...but I'm sure that none of you have any idea what I'm talking about.

I am just so tired. This is going to be my pitty party moment so just let me have it and then I'll shut-up! I have been running the kids, here and there and back again. Between baseball tryouts, cheerleading tryouts, play-dates, orthodontist appointment, practice this and that, I don't know if I'm coming or going. I am doing all the house stuff at night because I haven't been home during the day and then I'm leaving the house at 9:00 pm to pick up Jo from one place or another. That's usually the time I get to sit down and just veg for 10 minutes before bed! Forget reading or stamping or scrapbooking. I can't do anything I want to do and I feel like I'm paying the price for it. My brain is a mess of mush and somedays I think I might just go under so I can sleep...oh wait...I don't get to do that alone either!!!!! Anyway, thank you for the listening ear and I'll stop belly aching now!

Bottom Sheets

Okay, so I get up this morning (dragging myself from bed, while grumbling the entire time) and do my Kinetics. I get finished and am feeling good about myself and I wake up the rest of the family and figure that I'll get a few little things done while they're getting up and around so I walk into the laundry room....Who in the heck invented the bottom sheet!? Is it just me or does the whole thing seem like a conspiracy? I spent 15 minutes trying to figure out how to fold the stupid thing, and being that this one has elastic all the way around the edge, there was no middle to be found to fold on. I ended up semi-folding, semi-wadding the crazy thing and calling it a day. Please tell me I am not the only one who can't figure this out. Telling me that there are other female adults that find themselves entangled in sheets, in the laundry room, praying that someone will save them?! If there is a secret...PLEASE let me know!

Yesterday was CRAZY!!!! Left the house at 8:30 and didn't make it back until 5:30. Went to the church to pay bills, etc and ended up there until 10:30, got my teeth cleaned at 11:00, got Riley and my hair cut at 11:30, grabbed some food at McDonald's and went to the dealership to eat with the hubby, headed to Wal-Mart for basics and some medicine for Riley, went to the Methodist Church to pick up paperwork for Riley to start pre-school next year and dropped a packet off by Kristy's, picked up the kids from school early for a 2:30 appointment at the dentist to get their teeth cleaned, took Jordyn back to school at 3:20 for her accountability group, went to have Coop's haircut at 3:45, ran back to get Jordyn from school again at 4:10, stopped and ate at Taco Bell, headed home about 5:00 only to come back into town to pick up Ronny's drycleaning and drop Jordyn off at gymnastics. This sounds hectic but take into consideration that the entire time I am toting around Riley who is not feeling good, running a low-grade fever and has had NO NAP! Feel sorry for me yet? Craziness! The really sad thing is that by the time we headed home from dropping Jo off at gymnastics, Riley is nodding off in his seat, so when we got home he slept in my lap, on the couch, for about an hour, running a high fever. Poor little man. Hopefully the antibiotics, that I think I picked up during the marathon, will get rid of whatever this stupid bug is that has implanted itself in my house! IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY GET OUT!!!!!!!! Needless to say, I was TIRED!!!!!

Moms...ARGH!!!!

Here I am writing a blog about being a parent and I am still dealing with being a kid of sorts! My mom calls tonite and told me I needed to be careful about what I am putting in my blog...kids info, pics, etc....and I know that she has a point but come on! Just read it and say "That is really cool"...no lecture (even if you're right, Mom), no worrying. I re-read everything to make sure that I didn't put in too much and I feel okay with everything....stop worrying Mom!

Okay, maybe adult is not so bad. You grow up and after years of having just a few close friends, in 30-something years, you realize that you are surrounded by Wonderful friends. Kristy, Diana, Suzanne, Carolyn, and so many from our church family make me feel so secure and loved. I get constant reassurance that I am a good parent, I can reveal my deepest fears and tell them that I had to bite my lip in Wal-Mart so that I wouldn't cry (long week with a 3 year old + monthly hormones). There are so many times that I feel so alone and I'm not. God has surrounded me with precious angels...friends. Usually when I feel the most alone, it's not because my friends have deserted me but because I have walled myself in. Thank you guys for seeing my flaws and loving me anyway!

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I actually got up at 5:40(can't believe I actually made myself crawl out of bed) and did my exercise before anyone else got up. It's crazy how good you feel once you do it but getting started is a pain in the butt. If any of you are looking for an awesome workout that you can do at home....Nike Kinetics. It's made for the Playstation. You have to have or get an Eyetoy, but it is incredible. It has cardio, combat (lots of punching), yoga, Tai-chi, etc. and it gives you one heck of a workout. I absolutely love and would recommend it to everyone. It never gets boring because it changes the routine(Wow, I really had to think how to spell that) everytime you use it. It is generally 3, sometimes 4 days a week.

There are some days that having kids isn't such a bad thing. Jo stayed home again because she felt better but was still tired. She is such a huge help when it comes to her little brother. I never worry about leaving Riley with her and it frees me up to just run those "quick" errands that take forever when you're having to get a toddler in and out of the car 50 times!

I spent the entire morning doing "homework" with Boogie (Riley's nickname). We are part of the HIPPY (not sure exactly what that stands for) program and they bring learning things and books to us everyweek to start learning just basic ideas like full/empty, open/close, story retention and things like that. We got started in the program a little late and so we are doing 2 and 3 lessons in a week and he loves it. Anyway, we got all of our work done and then we all went outside. It was a gorgeous 70-something degrees and we blew bubbles, he rode his tractor and chased the puppies.

After I got Cooper from school, he, Boogie and I went out to play catch. Tryouts for baseball are in 2 weeks and we're trying to get ready. I think that Coop would rather play catch with someone who could actually throw the ball to him. I'm trying to be cool and about that time I'll wing off to the left or the right!!!! Oh well, at least he's getting in some practice at having to chase after the balls! Boogie was helping too. He can really throw a ball at 3. He threw Coop the ball from where I was standing and it reached him! I have been blessed with 2 athletic boys.

Went to Kristy's for stamp club and it was a blast as usual. She is really talented and we all enjoy learning new techniques....and especially buying new stuff. New stamps, new paper, new paperpunches, new ink, new, new, new!!!! What's so funny is that I get new stuff and have no time to use it! Wait....I do have time to use it but no alone time to do it. Everytime I start to do something Riley is right there grabbing, pulling, "Can I hep youing," etc. Oh well, like I said, we are counting down to preschool next year!

I got home and I ask Boogie if he was a good boy for Daddy and he proceeded to tell me "I didn't say retard, stupid or butt crack." Am I a proud mother or what!
What more could I ask for!

This is SO my life!

This picture is truly the explanation of my life. My kids did such an awesome job in the photo booth and other than the fact that you can see clear up my nose, mine didn't turn out too bad either! Aren't they absolutely adorable!!!!

Poor Jordyn has been home from school for 2 days with one of the cruds that are going around right now...strep, stomach flu, bronchitis, regular ol' flu...it's a wonder that we aren't all dead! I've had bronchitis for a month, Riley woke up this morning with a fever and a soon as I say that Cooper hasn't gotten sick he will wake up feeling bad in the morning! It truly works that way for me...everytime.

I have to change the subject from my kids for just a minute...how great is our God. For those of you close to me, we all know how far away we can feel sometimes, but right now I feel like I could just reach out and touch him! I was reading a book and the author said her goal was to walk closely enough to Jesus to get his dust in her face. How incredibly awesome is that vision! I have to say that having a 14 year old has actually brought me closer in the last month or so...I really don't mean that in a bad way. I have just been able to disciple her in the situations that she is dealing with in school and with her friends and it has actually strengthened me. Back home (up north) if you were involved in church you were a Bible thumper and got a lot a crap for your faith and so sharing my faith has been an incredibly hard thing to do for me and somehow talking with Jo, while we're fixing dinner or she's crying on my shoulder, has relieved some of the fear I have about sharing my faith. Isn't funny how God uses our children to humble us and bring us into a better place...sometimes.

Anyway, I am really looking forward to our Stampin' Up stamping club meeting tonite at Kristy's. After I had Riley I scrapbook 98% of his pics and once he became mobile I found that it was more of a hassel to try to sit down and do ANYTHING, so stamping and scrapbooking fell by the wayside. I am now about 2 years behind on Riley's and I figure that if I play my cards right I could maybe get Jo and Coop's school scrapbooks done by the time they graduate! I am still hopeful that when Riley starts 2 day preschool in the fall that maybe I can begin to make a dent. Who knows maybe by then I will have officially lost my mind and won't remember who any of the pictures are of!

Where's MY space!?

Here we are yet again. Can't believe I actually have time to post...time that I should be cleaning house, laundry, etc, etc. Oh well!

Hey, I wanted to clarify something in my first post. I re-read what I posted and I made it sound like I was upset with my husband for not disciplining the kids more and I didn't mean that at all. You have to take into account the brain cells lost from giving birth 3 times, talking on the phone while trying to type and simply trying to come up with something funny to say. I was really just trying to emphasis that the "discussion" is one that I had had 3 billion times before and ended up with the same results. Anyway.....
Yesterday was actually a pretty decent day in the whole scheme of things. We started a new playgroup at the park with some of Riley's friends and they had a blast! I have to say that it took us moms several minutes to remember how to have an adult conversation, but once we started we rambled on for the entire hour and a half. I really think that I will enjoy it so that I can be reminded that I am not the only mother who thinks that she is losing her mind!
After picking up the other kids from school we had to run to Pine Bluff (the closest place to Monticello that has something other than Wal-Mart) to pick up some pants for dad and we ended up in Old Navy. How can we go wrong in Old Navy. It is like the must have staple in any shopping event. Anyway, we went to get Riley some new jeans (can 3 year old really grow that fast?) and mom ended up with some pajama pants, and the other kids got a few sale things. As parents we should know better than to actually believe that we can go in to ANY store for just 1 thing. It is physically impossible!
On the way home, Riley asked me for the thousandth time "Will you play in my woom?" I told him that dad would be home when we got there and he would play with him and he proceeded to ask me "Why can't YOU play with me?" Keep in mind that I have had him suction-cupped to me for a week straight (you how they waffle between which parent they love the best...I won this time) whether it be peeing, showering, cleaning, playing or even trying to sleep in MY bed with my neglected husband. Please tell me that all of the "personal space" will be mine again!?!?!? I think that for the past 2 weeks Riley has slept in our bed more than in his own. I have to explain how he sleeps with us.....one leg over my hip or one foot in my underwear, arm around your neck, face right up in mine and Mom falling off the edge of the King sized bed. Don't get me wrong, I love him with all of my heart but there are sometimes that I just want some space....even if it is only when I am sleeping. The funny thing with last night is that Dad got his share of closeness this morning....he woke up to a small little hand right in the middle of his face! At least he is sharing!

Here we go!!!!

Okay all, I have never done this and will probably sound like the crazy woman that I am but, here goes!

Last night I was having the "children" discussion with my husband Ronny,and told him that I was just tired of being an adult. He laughed and said "I think it's a little late for that!" Realize that I don't want to be an adult BUT in going back to my "no responsibility days" I would have all of the knowledge that I have now!!! I will go backwards in time just a few hours so that you can understand why I need to not be an adult anymore.......................................
In the past 6 months or so I have redone both of my older children's rooms and put in 2 or 3 days of labor in each one. I have sat down with them both and said, "See how awesome your room looks and if you would only take a few minutes to put away things that you get out, it will continue to look this way and I will feel like you appreciate all the effort I put in to make your rooms so cool." I know that you all are going " Oh thank the good Lord that I am not the ONLY one who has had that conversation 15 times in that last month! We have also had the discussion about the germy, disgustedness of a bathroom that is covered in toothpaste, spit and you know with boys there are urine drops about. Well, I went upstairs and that entire level of my house is destroyed. So I pushed forward into the angry, snotty, tearful domain of teen and pre-teen and started to have the room cleaning "discussion" again, when Dad decides to get involved. Well, at the end of the "discussion", the only punishment that was given was that their rooms were supposed to be "reasonably" clean and that the bathroom was to be spotless and they couldn't use it for a week. Cooper, the 9 year old, was shaking his head and agreeing with everything and Jordyn, the 14 year old, is standing with her lips pursed and tears running from the eyes and nose. Also by this time in the "discussion" our 3 year old Riley is screaming from the bottom of the stairs, "Can I come up. What are you doing? Will you play in my room?" to which we answer, "No, we'll be down in a minute. Talking to your brother and sister. JUST A MINUTE!" Please tell me that someone else's life is just a crazy as mine and that we would get more accomplished if we just simply had conversations with one of the dogs or even better, the wall!
Well, thankfully, today is a new day.....with a new set of traumas! I know that if I truly had to have the same discussions every day I would absolutely be insane. So instead of room discussions, I sure that the rest of today will involve the new discussions of "Don't antagonize your brother, Cooper." "Riley, don't hit your brother or pick up the cat by the tail." and my favorite of all " Jordyn, get off of the cell phone before it grows into a permanent attachment on your person!" Please pray for me and in the meantime I will be remembering life when I could leave a mess in my room, in the bathroom and I swung the cat by the tail.