Truth

-Truth

-It hurts

-I know it's true

-I don't want to look at the truth

-God has already showed it to me

-Someone else pointed it out

-In my humanness, I want to point back

-"But you do this...."

-More fingers pointing at me than at them

-Tears

-Anger

-Frustation

-Why can't I just pray about it and have it change

-Satan plays in the back of my mind...

-They this

-They that

-What about them

-More tears

-So hard to just stop and look

-No words

-Don't want to talk

-Heart just crying

-Should pray with other person

-Don't want to

-WANT to be angry

-Not right

-Get out Satan

-Change me Lord

-Make me like you

-Please change me

-Don't want to hurt others with my words and actions

-So hard

-How do I let go

-Let me let go of selfishness

-Let me let go of control

-Let me let go of the past that makes me what I am

-I don't want that anymore

-Don't want to be mad and hurt anymore

-My hurt feelings were necessary

-Why does learning include so much heartache

-God, it hurts, make it stop

-Make me like you

Quiet

How can silence be so loud? Riley is off to preschool and all is quiet in the house. I have so many things to do and all I want to do is sit and enjoy the silence. All day long I hear that little voice over and over "MOM I need this" or "MOM I need that". Some days you think you will go crazy if you hear that just one more time and yet I know that once that little voice gets bigger I'll miss the innocence of that sound. Time moves so quickly and my little boy isn't so little anymore. In just no time at all I'll have silence all day and will probably go stir crazy...although I might actually get caught up on all of my scrapbooking!!!! How do they grow so fast?!?!?!

Next week is cheerleading tryouts....am I ready....absolutely not. There will be late evenings all week long, stress, stress and more stress, and the dreaded announcement and trying to prepare for the best and the worse scenario. I'll prepare for tears of joy or tears of happiness. Either one will be in God's hands and I hope he shows me how to comfort both!

One of Coop's best friends, and another of his closer friends, gave their lives to Christ last night. They are both 11 years old. How exciting!!!!!!! It's amazing how God works in everyone's lives. He whispers and so often we aren't listening and then something happens and we begin to hear. I am so proud of both of them and I pray that they will all be Godly influences in each others lives....the Lord knows how hard the life of an adolescent boy can be!

Well, the dart reign is over:( We have slipped to second but I will tell you that being at the top was great.....I only stomped and cried for a little while:) Ronny and I have had soooo much fun playing in the doubles league at Dad's Place. We don't ever have very much time together with 3 kids and we have really loved playing darts. Thanks Jim for the great idea!!!!!!

LORD, GIVE ME STRENGTH!!!

I feel like the old maid in my group of friends. I have a 15 year old and everyone else has kids that are at or below the age of my 10 year old. It's hard to ask advice about a teenager when no one else has one. We were all teenagers but its still different when you're trying to explain things to your own teenage children. We are still in the ongoing saga I blogged about last time...only now its getting verbally abusive. I wish that I could give my daughter my wisdom and she would understand (I know that there are others that will read this that know exactly what I'm saying). I don't know why kids can't figure out how to mind their own business and then when they know something just keep their mouths shut...but wait....I think I sometimes still have a problem with that! The girls that Jo was having trouble with came up to her today after I left her school and told her that she needed to mind her own #&$!* business, blah, blah, blah. I do agree that she should just keep her mouth shut (I told her that blabbing about the girls that wronged her made her no better than them...but did she listen?). It wasn't just that one girl said something...it was the fact that the "group" had to come and lend moral support I guess. I remember how scary it was to think that you might get your butt kicked when I was in school, so all afternoon I have been stressing thinking that something will happen. (She called me from school, crying, telling me what was said and who said it.) She did just text me and tell me that they talked but didn't go into detail so I'm sure I'll hear about it after school. I think I like the way boys handle their disputes better sometimes. Boys get --issed and knock the crap out of one another and then it's over. Girls have to be vendictive and hateful and will remember until the end of time that you wronged them. We are such back biters! Lord, give me strength!!!!!

Onto the child who will truly put me in the NUT HOUSE! Boogie already got a note home from school, like within the first 3 weeks, and now we've gotten another. He got into it with another little boy (this one has some behavior issues himself....I'm not trying to save face...he really does!) and he proceeded to call him a "butthead" and a "buttcrack"! I am so thankful that I have older children to teach my 4 year old all of the appropriate things to say. I have been so blessed with a child that is bright and can remember so many "good" things. I am still wondering why I'M being punished for all of the trouble that Ronny caused. (You all know that Ronny caused a lot of H-E-double hockey sticks in his day!!!!) Boog is in this phase about stomping around, kicking things and mumbling under his breath but apparently Tuesday there was no mumbling about it. I will survive my children, I will survive my children, will I survive my children?

I HATED SCHOOL!!!

Please tell me that someone else can sympathize with me. I hated school. I hated cliques. I hated stuck-up girls. I hated stuck-up guys. I hated people that always thought they were better than me because they had "the jeans", the shirt with"the polo rider"or "the alligator" blah, blah, blah. Society has created a world where just being a nice person is never enough. You have to have the best of everything, drink, party, be permiscuous and nasty to everyone in order to be accepted. I don't think that there probably is anyone in any generation, any age that hasn't had to deal with that and now I have a 15 year old daughter who just wants everyone to like her. Not that some of her issues aren't self-generated but I just don't understand how people can be so hateful and have no sense of remorse or a conscience. How do you conspire to hurt someone on purpose? How do you look that person in the eye and say that you are their friend? How do you injure someone's very being just like you would step on a bug? What is especially bad is that those that hurt her are "christians". Isn't that the way of the world. I would rather have a non-christian spit in my face than to have someone who carries Christ's name like a banner do the same. At least one has an "excuse" for being a heathen. I won't go into specifics of what happened but I just ask that all of you reading this will stop and say a prayer for my little girl and that you specifically ask God to bring her a true friend. Someone who will accept her, faults and all, and not be afraid to hold her accountable for her actions and words. Someone who can be mad at her, not stab her in the back and offer her forgiveness. Someone who will be a Christ light for her in this dark, ugly world. It's days like this that you wonder why you bring children into this hateful life and subject them to Satan's world. So many tears to cry. So many hurt souls. So many kids who don't have someone to tell them that this too shall pass and you will come out on the stronger side of it, God is using this as a teaching moment and in a few days or weeks you won't even remember why you cried. I don't want my daughter to carry with her the things that I carried with me, from school, for so long. I want her to have awesome memories of fun and laughterand a friend to share those memories with. Please pray. Pray. Pray.

Just Hangin

Well, here I actually made it again but.....there are many, many other things I should really be doing!

My brother-in-law, Tommy, is here visiting from Kansas. It is so hard to have a house guest because Riley loses his room (occupies mine) and I always feel like I have to entertain, even though I probably really don't. Tommy is quite the character....he is the typical 80's throw-back....used to have a mullet but it's gotten thin and so it's a modified mullet, he was the self-appointed black sheep of the family (until he accepted Christ last year) and everything is a huge drama. He is an incredible musician. He can pretty much play any instrument that he sets his mind to and at one time was offered the position of bass player for Kenny Chesney's band (unfortunately, he and Ronny's band, Trick Rider, were working on their own deal...later Ronny decided family was more important). He is a trip!

Jo is trying out for high school cheerleader and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Some of the girls can be a little catty and that really concerns me. You know how girls can sometimes fall into the groove of things that they say they will never do. I just hope that she is stronger than that. There is quite a bit of competition because there are only 5 or 7 spots open for next year and a lot of really good girls. I want her to make it for her....but.....I wouldn't be heart-broken if she didn't. (Am I a bad mother for not wanting to spend my entire summer driving her to and from cheer practice at all hours of the morning?!?!?! Tell me, am I???? It's not like I won't be spending all of my summer with baseball and T-ball being at 2 different fields...not to mention practice....equipment puchases....I'M NOT STRESSING.....I'M NOT STRESSING!!!!)

Oh, I almost forgot....Jordyn is going for her official driver's permit tomorrow so I just wanted to warn everyone that she is on the loose in a 1000lb vehicle...or however much they weigh! She does pretty good but you all know how much there is to remember and you spend more time trying to watch the other crazy drivers! Just thought that I would give you fair warning to prepare for another teenager on the road!!!!!

Hopefully this week will go fairly smoothly.....and we will stay NUMBER ONE in the doubles dart league!!!!! You know that you are all coveting our position...don't lie....it's okay....I refuse to give it up.....HAHAHAHAHA:) We love spending time with all of the team members and if we have to relinguish our position we will do it gracefully....kicking and screaming!!!!!!!

I'm Still Here!!!!

I have been bugged quite a bit about my lack of blogging and I'm sure that now I am posting something no one will know because they have all given up on me!!!! Sorry...I just don't know how to squeeze everything in and get any one thing done. I get on a schedule and then I have a day that doesn't go according to plan or, as in the case of last weekend, I was out of town and that has thrown my entire planning session into a tailspin! All that would like to see me keep up with my blog....keep me in your scheduling prayers!!!!!!!!!!

Things are still as crazy as ever. In the clan, we have lost one hamster and gained a siamese. Tai is amazingly beautiful and is quite a character. Snickers, our rat terrier, and the cat seemed to love chasing one another all of the time and when they get tired they sunbathe together. It can be quite interesting.

Jo is finally done with cheerleading but is already stressing out about trying out for the high school squad, Cooper is getting ready to turn 11 and baseball is getting ready to start, and then there is Riley...where do we begin? He is getting ready to start Tball and is in yet another phase. Stomp...kick...huff....stomp....whine...kick....need I go on. I'm not feeling quite so bad since his bud Abby is doing the very same thing.

Ronny and I are in the doubles dart league at Dad's Place and having a blast. It was so funny because I called Ronny to tell him that Jim was starting the league, thinking that he would find another guy to be his partner, and he said "Let's do it!" I'm thinking NO, I can't play darts....I'll injure someone. We ended up as "Beauty and the Beast" and we are now currently in 1st place (for the moment) and Ronny is the MVP and Bull leader. We have to be a team and I love doing it with him. We do dinner or a movie but its not the same as needing one another to get something done. I have to say that on Monday night I was estatic because I threw 2 bullseyes! The first one was purely by accident but the 2nd one I meant to!!!

I promise to try to keep up at least once a week. I need a schedule like Kristy's at Half-Tied Ribbons. Not sure that I'll get that organized but I can hope.......

Introspection

I hate being, or being forced to be, introspective. I especially dislike it when God continues to hit you over the head with something about yourself that you don't want to hear....

Negativity

-That's my, "I don't want to hear it" word.
-It's funny how you go through life with this picture of yourself only to have someone tell you that what you are seeing is not the right picture.
-It's funny how you spend your whole life swearing that you won't be one way only to hear that that is exactly who you are.
-Tears, lots of tears.
-Prayer, lots of prayer.
-Confusion...how did I get this way?
-Anger...that someone pointed it out.
-Frustration...that it is always you that is the problem.
-Alone...how do you talk to others and not voice the frustrations that you have? How do you unburden yourself? When is it okay to gripe...once a week...once a month? What do you do when the one you want to talk to is the one that pointed out the fault?
-God...he just keeps showing me how true the words were...eventhough they hurt...and keeps on showing me.
-Study...a book that continues to hit on the very problem I'm having and giving me God's words to show me how my problem affects others.
-Tired...I'm just tired and feel "heavy."
-Avoidance...I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT IT! I DON'T WANT TO EXPLORE IT! I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THE ANGER, FRUSTRATION, HURT AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF THAT GOES WITH CHANGING.
-Change...I really am like that. I have really been trying to see the blessings in my life...even if I have to dig it up from the bottom of the reserve sometimes.
-Change...I really am trying to speak positive words to all around me.
-Change...I really am blessed...I just had to open my eyes, work on overcoming some flaws from my raising and let the Lord show me his works right here in my home.
-a little one clinging to me 24-7 means that I am the center of his universe right now and he loves me unconditionally and feels safe and secure with me.
-a middle child who just wants attention amidst the chaos and my loving words and actions go a long way.
-the eldest child is growing into a wonderful young adult and we have an incredible friendship that I wouldn't trade for anything.
-a spouse who loves me regardless of my faults and gives loving correction when I need it...even if I don't want to hear it...and is my best friend.

Life gets so hectic that all I do is focus on the chaos instead of focusing on the eye of the storm...God. I just want to be all that he wants me to be but being someone different is scary, but I am thankful that for all of the faults that I have he still loves me enough to continue to help me change and become all I can be for His kingdom.

Catch Up!

Well, this is the face we get everytime we talk about going to school. Then we get the fall on the floor, feet kicking fit to follow! He does this when he gets up and thankfully it is easing up a little every time. This morning he had the fit but then once we got to school he walked right in...had to bribe him with playing The Incredibles on the playstation when he gets home but....whatever works....right!?!!?!?!

Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Prov. 30:8

I'm sure that I've read this verse before and the Lord wasn't ready for me to learn this lesson but boy it really smacked me in the forehead this time. We are doing a bible study on contentment and I want that so badly. To just be happy in whatever situation I am in knowing that my Savior is taking care of things even when I can't see that. I guess it's just a lack of faith. It really struck me as funny the other day when I was doing laundry, when I can't find something or need to get a shirt out of the dryer and its at the bottom of the load, I will go, "Ok Lord, please show me where this is." and inevitably I will find it immediately. How silly is it that I have complete faith that He will show me where some stupid shirt, my keys or something the kids have lost is but I doubt him in the big things?! He has always been so faithful and proven his love for me over and over and over and still I find myself holding back. I want contentment. I want to be happy with just what I have. I don't want to want. I need my every happiness to be based on the love of my God and nothing else. I want to LEARN (as Paul put it) to be content. He didn't say that he prayed for it and God gave it to him. He said that it was a lesson that God wanted us to learn. Teach me Father.

Blessings

We started a new bible study last Thursday and our assignment (our books aren't in yet) was to put a blessing on this little card, that was wrapped like a present, and bring it with us to our next class. Ever since then I have been hit over and over again with the blessings in my life, so, since everyone else is into the list making mood, I thought I would make a blessings list...so happy that I have enough to make a list!!!!

1. Jordyn, she is growing into such an amazing person.
2. Jordyn can talk to me about anything.
3. Cooper is such a cutie pie and even though he can be frustrating he is always ready with a hug.
4. Boogie...what more do I need to say...he is adorable, funny, frustrating, funny, and a total type A personality.
5. I have an incredible husband that puts in long hours at work to support us and then comes home to go to baseball games and coach peewee football, and watch Jo cheer.
6. The weather! I absolutely love Fall!!!! Jeans, sweaters, football...all the best things in life.
7. My brother-in-law coming to visit. His last visit produced his surrender to Jesus, baptism and total life overhaul and it is a blessing to actually see the change in person.
8. Watching Ronny and Tommy play guitars together and sing. I cannot Not smile.
9. Ronny's dad coming to visit too and listening to him laugh so hard that he thinks he will have a heart attack.
10. Journey, totally taking in our extended family so that all they can say is how incredible everyone here is.
11. Doug and Diana. I could elaborate but there isn't enough space! (Bust a move, Baby!)
12. JB and Amy. Still isn't enough space.
13. Mike, Kristy and Abby. Giving Ronny and I a chance to just simply be together and not constantly going, "Riley get down." "Riley stop that!" "Riley come here!"
14. Jesus for all of the things that he has done but most importantly right now, bringing us here and giving us friendships that neither of us has experienced before and ones that will last a lifetime.

DUH!!!!!

I was going to start this blog, in the midst of cooking dinner, and attach this really cute pic of Sadie chillin' it on the couch only I haven't loaded the stupid thing into the computer yet!! My one brain cell is being very taxed at this moment!!!!

Our small group was so awesome last night. We are going through the book "Dream Team" about marriage. We had the Strader's, the Berry's, the Sipes', the Duncan's and us. I just have a really good feeling that this group will really be honest and be there for one another. Last night we talked about the kind of intimacy it takes to pray together, in depth. Most of us (except the brown-nosing Berry's:)) don't pray together on a regular basis and we talked about how we have chosen to spend our entire earthly lives with our significant other but we are uncomfortable about praying with them. It is definitely a huge step in intimacy. As a society, we are so guarded and don't want to let "anyone" into the dark corners of ourselves and that ultimately spills over into our marriages. In prayer, you also have to be completely honest with Jesus and when you are, someone else is ultimately listening. You fear their reaction to what you say. Will they be angry with you? Will a fight get started? Will they truly listen to your prayer and accept the way that you feel? It is so sad that we can't just open that gate and not look back. I did ask all the couples to promise that, even if only once this next week, they would pray with one another. It only takes 2 weeks to make something a habit...what a great habit to have. I am just sssooo excited about the feel in our group, and about the fact that we have 2 of the newer couples with us (maybe I should be afraid with Ronny here). God is going to do wonderful things in our marriages....I can feel it!!!!!!

Disappointment

Jordyn took the written test today to get her driver's permit.....she failed:(
I could tell that she wanted to cry but because she had to go back to school she wasn't going to let herself. I felt so bad...thank goodness that several of her friends had to take the test more than once to pass. Keep her in your prayers this week because we will probably go back next Tuesday and try again.

Crazy dayz!!!! Today I got up early to take Jo for the test (8am), by the time we were done Ronny called me and asked me to bring my vehicle by (trying to sell it because they dropped the price on the 2007s and if we don't sell it we will NEVER get out of it what we paid)(9am), got home at around 9:45am, played with Riley and tried to get a few things done around here, fixed lunch at 11:00, laid Riley down at 11:30, got him up at 1:00, went to school to pick up Cooper for the orthodontist at 1:30, drove to Bastrop for a 2:50 appointment, didn't leave there until 4:30, ran into a torrential (sp?) downpour outside of Monticello and drove about 25mph, got home at 5:45, Cooper had football practice and they finally came in at 7:30pm. Could we squeeze in anymore!? I met myself coming and going several time today!

Accomplishment !!!!!!

I actually got something accomplished!!!! Thank you for the prayers. I am still trying to get in a routine and just getting one single page done after months and months is a milestone.

Went to Kristy's this morning and actually got the majority of this page done at her house. Angela came too and she couldn't decide what size page to do so ended up not getting one completely done. There are so many choices and so little time! I just had to scrap a page about the hair! I NEVER am in any pictures so I decided to get one of just me. I didn't even think to include the fact the not only do I have the funky do but I also have braces. Can anyone say repressed childhood!?!?!?! I have been called Cruela and gotten several "What on earth were you thinking?" looks but to tell the truth I really kinds like it...it's growing on me....if you really think about it...it really is GROWING on me!!!! HA HA HA

The entire time we are trying to get something done all we can hear in the background are Riley and Abby running up and down the hallway. They came in at one point and were talking about playing and I told them they needed to stay at this end of the house because Lilly was napping and Kristy told them to go play in Abby's room and Riley said,"Abby, do you want me to throw my Spiderman at you?" They had apparently been throwing toys (by the shape of her room) at each other for fun! I wasn't sure that sounded like a lot of fun but I'm not 3!

Rain

I love the rain. It's not about the cleansing part of the rain. It's the put on your jammies, curl-up on the couch, football season feel. I wish it would get dark, thunder, lightening and storm like crazy. I don't think its going to happen but I can hope!

Why is life so topsy-turvy? You can go one day and feel crazy and the next you are just calm and happy. I wish God would have sent us manuals with each of us or even just a cheat sheet of some sort. We have friends call us for opinions and support but we can't even begin to help ourselves. I guess that's why God gave us girlfriends.

I am going to try and start a daily routine for myself tomorrow. Start my day off with the Lord and make a plan for the rest of the day. I always have such great plans and yet everyday I find a reason to plant myself on the couch or something and then complain about not having time to get anything accomplished. Why is it so hard to get yourself motivated? Wish me luck!!!!

I'M TIRED!!!!

Tired of....
-being an adult
-being an adult and still feeling like a teenager in my head
-being afraid to say what I feel
-being afraid of confrontation
-being hurt by other's actions that really have nothing to do with me at all
-being anxious
-feeling overwhelmed by life sometimes
-being a procrastinator and not even realizing it
-worrying about things that I have no control over, knowing the Lord always takes care of things
-not trusting my Savior enough
-responsibility
-feeling crazy
-feeling insecure
-being tired

Pray for me.

Boredom Kills!!!

Blogs anyway! I was wanting to change my template and I go in to look at the changes and all of my links are gone!!!! It only took me forever to figure out where in all of the garble-de-gook I had to put them in the first time! I hate computers!!!!!

Had to show everyone just how be-a-u-tiful my baby is! When you get started doing this you just have to add more..don't ya!?!?!

Next time I will try to include a pic of my new funky do! (Not so new anymore to some of you but my mother didn't seem too impressed when I emailed a picture to her!)

WORLD SERIES IS OVER!!!!

Say hello to the two 16 year olds we had in our home for 11 days. Zeke is on the left, Coop in the middle and "Pitts" (Clint) is on the right. They played on the Texas team during the 16 year old World Series. We endured 2 extra boys, 100 degree weather, sweating, long ballgames, disappointments the first 2 games, late nights, lots of eating out, exhaustion, some more sweating (wring out you underware, sweating), laundry, sweating....you get the drift. Our team ended up in the championship game (the underdogs) and only lost by 2 runs. We were so proud of them! Zeke is a great kid who has 5 brothers, 1 sister and his mom homeschools them all...I just kept telling her "God Bless You!" Pitts was Riley in a 16 year old body. The funny thing about it was that I really connected more with Pitts and he drove me crazy! Just obnoxious! The sad thing was that at the end of the 11 days I was so ready for them to go home and then once it was time for them to go I got all misty! I have issues!!!! I will say that this experience has given me a greater appreciation for my family. They drive me crazy but I have great kids, who know how to behave...for the most part...out in public. Having a 16 year old who you have to get on constantly puts things in perspective!!!!

The kids are back in school and routine has taken over. Thank you Lord Jesus for routine. We get up at a normal time, take a nap, pick up kids, and then the miscellaneous starts (cheerleading, Junior league football, church, etc, etc) but it is routine none the less! I guess I never realized just how much I thrive on that. I feel semi-human again...although the morning thing is killing me. I am not a nap person but I'll tell you what..about 1:oo I am snoozing on the couch while Riley is out! Guess I'm getting old.

Is anyone else freaking out because their child is getting so grown-up?!?!? Jordyn is so beautiful! She started high school and in only 4 years she will leave for college:( Where has the time gone? I guess I blinked and life sped past me. She will be turning 15, getting her driver's permit (I have now given you all fair warning), she's a cheerleader...she's almost an adult. She is such a great kid and we have grown to have such a good relationship. We had some rocky times when she was younger but now she talks to me about everything. I can't believe that she is mine and that by the grace of God I actually raised her right (you too honey, just can't believe I turned out to be a half-way decent mom)! She's smart, kind, God-centered, beautiful...I could go on and on! She wants to be a NICU nurse, have 2 children of her own and then adopt from China. She wants to go on medical missions! Where did this child come from?

Sorry, I am rambling...so much time has gone by since I last blogged that no one will probably read this...lots has happened and so little finger stamina to get it all in!

REFRESHING

Refreshing. This is my newest adventure with God. The kids and I went back to Kansas/Missouri to visit family (after several other vacations during the month of July!) and the Lord used that time to refresh me. Before I left I felt so heavy and anxious. Ronny and I were on edge, I was on edge with the kids and I just felt plain heavy...like I was just simply treading water with my nose sticking out. The funny thing about it is I can't really tell you when the miracle occurred, but once I got home I felt refreshed. God wiped my emotional and spiritual slate clean and I feel wonderful! He is so gracious and knows what we need even when we don't. We are living in the dark world and He is the light and yet I so often forget that and all of the blessings he has rained on me. I have an amazing husband, beautiful, God-fearing children, a home, friends that I wouldn't trade for all the world and a God who loves me no matter what. We are so unworthy and yet when we fall and scrape our knees...there he is. When the world has pulled us in so many directions that we think we will be torn apart...there he is. Thank you, Lord Jesus, thank you.

The other thing that has really been hitting me lately, partly from the refreshing, is that I need to take captive ALL of my thoughts to Christ. Satan is so sneaky about whispering in our ears, we don't notice and the next thing you know the ugliness has crept in and you can't get rid of it. I have had to say to Satan, everyday, to get away and pray that Jesus will take my thought life for him. It has made such a difference. I refuse to get bogged down again and feel ugly toward those that I love. Again, thank you Lord!

Please keep me in your prayers. We are hosting two 16 year old baseball players for the World Series here in town for 10 days! We are praying that they aren't all that cute because of our almost 15 year old daughter! Not only that, but for those 10 days we are their family in every way...food, laundry, transportation, etc, etc! Nothing like a family of 7 on a trial basis! As much as my husband likes to believe, most of the responsibility falls to me and I am a little afraid. It will be weird at first having strangers in the house but I know that we will have a blast once we are confortable with each other. Coop is also going to be the batboy for their teams. Hello ballfields again!

I apologize for being so sporadic with my entries, but part of June and, it seemed like all of, July was spent in the car either roadtripping to canoe, roadtripping to the Diamond Mines or 10 hours roadtripping back home! I promise that I will TRY to be more reliable with blogging, but I'm not making any promises!!!!!

I HAVE RETURNED!!!

Okay...I received a threatening email from Jeff about my laziness in blogging and to tell you the truth...I am lazy!!!! Riley has started to play games on the computer and getting to use it is crzy...what an excuse...blaming my children for my unorganization!!!! God forgive me my weakness!!!!!
Life really is crazy and I need to get my rear in gear and get my days organized so that I can get ANYTHING accomplished. I just read Kristy's blog and she is getting stuff done with children and others seem to do it but for some reason it seems to allude (is that right?) me. I tell myself that I will blog, or scrap, or make a card, read my Bible and then I end up in front of the TV or something else stupid and never get anything I want to done and then blame it on everything else...anyone else with me!?!?!?!?! What a sorry sap!
I promise to all of you that I will try with all that I am to keep up with my blogging so that you will all be up to date on the exciting happenings in my life...HA HA! Say a prayer for me....say lots of prayer for me....just start praying and don't stop....keep going.....................

Make a Change

As a nation, we are so disconnected from the world around us. America is self-consumed and we don't want to hear of the world's attrocities except for the morbid fascination factor. Its not here, so its not about us. We can't change things a world away. The truly sad thing is that there are attrocities in our own nation that people chose to ignore. If we ignore it, it won't change our comfortable existence. We can stick our heads in the sand. Lord Jesus, fill our minds with the effects of Satan's evil. Make it so that we can't turn a blind eye. Make it so that our hearts ache every moment of the day with the sorrows of this world. Make us long to change the heartaches of the abused, murdered, tortured, oppressed and brokenhearted. I want the Lord to continue this great work he has started in me. Let him change me from selfish to selfless. I want to make a change in the world. I want to be worker. I want to know that the small things that I can do can change the life of another, whether in my own back yard or half-way around the world. I want to instill this in my children. I want my church to be pioneering in the amount we do for others. Change me Jesus, change me.

Perspective

God's omniscence is so amazing. Just when we think that we are alone in the universe and that no one is listening, he speaks through life. I am a money worrier. I worry in plenty and plenty. My husband and I have been discussing (along with 3/4s of our nation) about how to get rid of some our "bad" debt. It never seems to have an end, does it? But in the whole scheme of life we are so blessed...debt or not. There is never a day that my children will go hungry. There is never a day that we have to wear the same clothing several days in a row. There is never a holiday or birthday that we are unable to give our children gifts. There is never a time when we worry that our power will be shut off and yet I worry. God has known this about me for many years and continues to try to change my heart and mind but I so fight against him....this is who I am....how do I change something that I have learned from very young (my mom always told me about our money struggles)....how can I have the absolute faith that God can change me when deep down inside I don't think I really want to change? This time God gave me a group that will do nothing less than humble me and bring me to my knees begging forgiveness for my selfishness. I was invited to join the Jr. Auxillary and they do nothing but help the needy children of our county. I heard stories of mothers passing up more expensive shoes just to be able to buy an extra package of underware for the child, helping a bereived family to be able to bury the child that they lost, enabling parents to give their children Christmas when there was going to be none and I worry. I have decided that God's word for me in this season of my life is....Perspective. He has to change my perspective. How I see myself and my life. He laid the ground work for this even before I knew deep in my heart that I needed it. I received the invitation to the tea before my husband and I had the money discussion and that discussion left me with my husband wondering if it would ever be "enough" for me (my non-worrying comfort zone...enough in the bank). Finding out that he felt that way left me very hurt but at the same time it hurt because I realized how very true it was. God used his words to wake me up and then had already laid the path for me to truly see how very lucky and blessed that I am. He is amazing in how he manages the sticky, intricate cobwebs of our lives. It only takes one weak spot to bring the entire structure down at our feet. God is the extra strength we need to hold it together when the weak spot gives way. He strengths the rest of the strands so that we can mend the broken one. Thank you Jesus for loving me in my sinfulness. Thank you Jesus for blessing me even when I take you and your blessings for granted. Thank you Jesus for changing me in my very core to be more like you everyday.