Truth

-Truth

-It hurts

-I know it's true

-I don't want to look at the truth

-God has already showed it to me

-Someone else pointed it out

-In my humanness, I want to point back

-"But you do this...."

-More fingers pointing at me than at them

-Tears

-Anger

-Frustation

-Why can't I just pray about it and have it change

-Satan plays in the back of my mind...

-They this

-They that

-What about them

-More tears

-So hard to just stop and look

-No words

-Don't want to talk

-Heart just crying

-Should pray with other person

-Don't want to

-WANT to be angry

-Not right

-Get out Satan

-Change me Lord

-Make me like you

-Please change me

-Don't want to hurt others with my words and actions

-So hard

-How do I let go

-Let me let go of selfishness

-Let me let go of control

-Let me let go of the past that makes me what I am

-I don't want that anymore

-Don't want to be mad and hurt anymore

-My hurt feelings were necessary

-Why does learning include so much heartache

-God, it hurts, make it stop

-Make me like you

Quiet

How can silence be so loud? Riley is off to preschool and all is quiet in the house. I have so many things to do and all I want to do is sit and enjoy the silence. All day long I hear that little voice over and over "MOM I need this" or "MOM I need that". Some days you think you will go crazy if you hear that just one more time and yet I know that once that little voice gets bigger I'll miss the innocence of that sound. Time moves so quickly and my little boy isn't so little anymore. In just no time at all I'll have silence all day and will probably go stir crazy...although I might actually get caught up on all of my scrapbooking!!!! How do they grow so fast?!?!?!

Next week is cheerleading tryouts....am I ready....absolutely not. There will be late evenings all week long, stress, stress and more stress, and the dreaded announcement and trying to prepare for the best and the worse scenario. I'll prepare for tears of joy or tears of happiness. Either one will be in God's hands and I hope he shows me how to comfort both!

One of Coop's best friends, and another of his closer friends, gave their lives to Christ last night. They are both 11 years old. How exciting!!!!!!! It's amazing how God works in everyone's lives. He whispers and so often we aren't listening and then something happens and we begin to hear. I am so proud of both of them and I pray that they will all be Godly influences in each others lives....the Lord knows how hard the life of an adolescent boy can be!

Well, the dart reign is over:( We have slipped to second but I will tell you that being at the top was great.....I only stomped and cried for a little while:) Ronny and I have had soooo much fun playing in the doubles league at Dad's Place. We don't ever have very much time together with 3 kids and we have really loved playing darts. Thanks Jim for the great idea!!!!!!

LORD, GIVE ME STRENGTH!!!

I feel like the old maid in my group of friends. I have a 15 year old and everyone else has kids that are at or below the age of my 10 year old. It's hard to ask advice about a teenager when no one else has one. We were all teenagers but its still different when you're trying to explain things to your own teenage children. We are still in the ongoing saga I blogged about last time...only now its getting verbally abusive. I wish that I could give my daughter my wisdom and she would understand (I know that there are others that will read this that know exactly what I'm saying). I don't know why kids can't figure out how to mind their own business and then when they know something just keep their mouths shut...but wait....I think I sometimes still have a problem with that! The girls that Jo was having trouble with came up to her today after I left her school and told her that she needed to mind her own #&$!* business, blah, blah, blah. I do agree that she should just keep her mouth shut (I told her that blabbing about the girls that wronged her made her no better than them...but did she listen?). It wasn't just that one girl said something...it was the fact that the "group" had to come and lend moral support I guess. I remember how scary it was to think that you might get your butt kicked when I was in school, so all afternoon I have been stressing thinking that something will happen. (She called me from school, crying, telling me what was said and who said it.) She did just text me and tell me that they talked but didn't go into detail so I'm sure I'll hear about it after school. I think I like the way boys handle their disputes better sometimes. Boys get --issed and knock the crap out of one another and then it's over. Girls have to be vendictive and hateful and will remember until the end of time that you wronged them. We are such back biters! Lord, give me strength!!!!!

Onto the child who will truly put me in the NUT HOUSE! Boogie already got a note home from school, like within the first 3 weeks, and now we've gotten another. He got into it with another little boy (this one has some behavior issues himself....I'm not trying to save face...he really does!) and he proceeded to call him a "butthead" and a "buttcrack"! I am so thankful that I have older children to teach my 4 year old all of the appropriate things to say. I have been so blessed with a child that is bright and can remember so many "good" things. I am still wondering why I'M being punished for all of the trouble that Ronny caused. (You all know that Ronny caused a lot of H-E-double hockey sticks in his day!!!!) Boog is in this phase about stomping around, kicking things and mumbling under his breath but apparently Tuesday there was no mumbling about it. I will survive my children, I will survive my children, will I survive my children?

I HATED SCHOOL!!!

Please tell me that someone else can sympathize with me. I hated school. I hated cliques. I hated stuck-up girls. I hated stuck-up guys. I hated people that always thought they were better than me because they had "the jeans", the shirt with"the polo rider"or "the alligator" blah, blah, blah. Society has created a world where just being a nice person is never enough. You have to have the best of everything, drink, party, be permiscuous and nasty to everyone in order to be accepted. I don't think that there probably is anyone in any generation, any age that hasn't had to deal with that and now I have a 15 year old daughter who just wants everyone to like her. Not that some of her issues aren't self-generated but I just don't understand how people can be so hateful and have no sense of remorse or a conscience. How do you conspire to hurt someone on purpose? How do you look that person in the eye and say that you are their friend? How do you injure someone's very being just like you would step on a bug? What is especially bad is that those that hurt her are "christians". Isn't that the way of the world. I would rather have a non-christian spit in my face than to have someone who carries Christ's name like a banner do the same. At least one has an "excuse" for being a heathen. I won't go into specifics of what happened but I just ask that all of you reading this will stop and say a prayer for my little girl and that you specifically ask God to bring her a true friend. Someone who will accept her, faults and all, and not be afraid to hold her accountable for her actions and words. Someone who can be mad at her, not stab her in the back and offer her forgiveness. Someone who will be a Christ light for her in this dark, ugly world. It's days like this that you wonder why you bring children into this hateful life and subject them to Satan's world. So many tears to cry. So many hurt souls. So many kids who don't have someone to tell them that this too shall pass and you will come out on the stronger side of it, God is using this as a teaching moment and in a few days or weeks you won't even remember why you cried. I don't want my daughter to carry with her the things that I carried with me, from school, for so long. I want her to have awesome memories of fun and laughterand a friend to share those memories with. Please pray. Pray. Pray.

Just Hangin

Well, here I actually made it again but.....there are many, many other things I should really be doing!

My brother-in-law, Tommy, is here visiting from Kansas. It is so hard to have a house guest because Riley loses his room (occupies mine) and I always feel like I have to entertain, even though I probably really don't. Tommy is quite the character....he is the typical 80's throw-back....used to have a mullet but it's gotten thin and so it's a modified mullet, he was the self-appointed black sheep of the family (until he accepted Christ last year) and everything is a huge drama. He is an incredible musician. He can pretty much play any instrument that he sets his mind to and at one time was offered the position of bass player for Kenny Chesney's band (unfortunately, he and Ronny's band, Trick Rider, were working on their own deal...later Ronny decided family was more important). He is a trip!

Jo is trying out for high school cheerleader and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Some of the girls can be a little catty and that really concerns me. You know how girls can sometimes fall into the groove of things that they say they will never do. I just hope that she is stronger than that. There is quite a bit of competition because there are only 5 or 7 spots open for next year and a lot of really good girls. I want her to make it for her....but.....I wouldn't be heart-broken if she didn't. (Am I a bad mother for not wanting to spend my entire summer driving her to and from cheer practice at all hours of the morning?!?!?! Tell me, am I???? It's not like I won't be spending all of my summer with baseball and T-ball being at 2 different fields...not to mention practice....equipment puchases....I'M NOT STRESSING.....I'M NOT STRESSING!!!!)

Oh, I almost forgot....Jordyn is going for her official driver's permit tomorrow so I just wanted to warn everyone that she is on the loose in a 1000lb vehicle...or however much they weigh! She does pretty good but you all know how much there is to remember and you spend more time trying to watch the other crazy drivers! Just thought that I would give you fair warning to prepare for another teenager on the road!!!!!

Hopefully this week will go fairly smoothly.....and we will stay NUMBER ONE in the doubles dart league!!!!! You know that you are all coveting our position...don't lie....it's okay....I refuse to give it up.....HAHAHAHAHA:) We love spending time with all of the team members and if we have to relinguish our position we will do it gracefully....kicking and screaming!!!!!!!

I'm Still Here!!!!

I have been bugged quite a bit about my lack of blogging and I'm sure that now I am posting something no one will know because they have all given up on me!!!! Sorry...I just don't know how to squeeze everything in and get any one thing done. I get on a schedule and then I have a day that doesn't go according to plan or, as in the case of last weekend, I was out of town and that has thrown my entire planning session into a tailspin! All that would like to see me keep up with my blog....keep me in your scheduling prayers!!!!!!!!!!

Things are still as crazy as ever. In the clan, we have lost one hamster and gained a siamese. Tai is amazingly beautiful and is quite a character. Snickers, our rat terrier, and the cat seemed to love chasing one another all of the time and when they get tired they sunbathe together. It can be quite interesting.

Jo is finally done with cheerleading but is already stressing out about trying out for the high school squad, Cooper is getting ready to turn 11 and baseball is getting ready to start, and then there is Riley...where do we begin? He is getting ready to start Tball and is in yet another phase. Stomp...kick...huff....stomp....whine...kick....need I go on. I'm not feeling quite so bad since his bud Abby is doing the very same thing.

Ronny and I are in the doubles dart league at Dad's Place and having a blast. It was so funny because I called Ronny to tell him that Jim was starting the league, thinking that he would find another guy to be his partner, and he said "Let's do it!" I'm thinking NO, I can't play darts....I'll injure someone. We ended up as "Beauty and the Beast" and we are now currently in 1st place (for the moment) and Ronny is the MVP and Bull leader. We have to be a team and I love doing it with him. We do dinner or a movie but its not the same as needing one another to get something done. I have to say that on Monday night I was estatic because I threw 2 bullseyes! The first one was purely by accident but the 2nd one I meant to!!!

I promise to try to keep up at least once a week. I need a schedule like Kristy's at Half-Tied Ribbons. Not sure that I'll get that organized but I can hope.......